2013...in with a bang?

2012 was a pretty good year for me, in regards to how I dealt with stress, anxiety, and an occasional heart palpitation. 2013 came in with a bang, literally. My heart has been banging all over the place the last couple of weeks. I blame it on holiday stress, a change of routine and schedule, too many sugary treats, lack of exercise, and a lack of sunshine. And even though I have tried to heed all of my own healing advice the last week or so, nothing has changed. I'm still suffering with an abundance of pvc's and chronic tension headaches. I'd like to think of my body and my heart as somehow taking a beating at the end of last year (by overextending myself, traveling too much, and not giving myself enough rest and relaxation) and now I'm bruised. The harmful forces may be over, but the aftermath is not. I have to keep reminding myself that. My heart palpitations are not going to go away over night despite all the therapeutic things I can do for myself right now. I just have to keep plugging away at eating right, getting sleep, keeping my stress levels down (even if heart anxiety is the only thing that is plaguing me right now), breathing with awareness, etc. and have HOPE that things are going to get better soon. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. My physical and emotional body needs to heal first, and then my heart will find a more peaceful rhythm.

But man, this recent bout of ectopic beats has reminded me how much pvc's suck (for lack of a better word). They can be annoying as hell when you lay down to go to sleep in the evening. They can ruin a sweet moment with your child when you have an episode while reading to her. They can still scare the beejeezus out of me when I get all warm and nauseated after a particularly forceful one. They can come out of the blue. They can come when you are feeling blue. They can come whenever they damn well please. Go away, now, you pesky palpitations. I have been humbled.

How has your 2013 gone thus far? Any new years resolutions to take better care of yourself?

I hope and pray you have a happy healthy heart this year!

Fear of Danger

I recently stumbled upon this Daniel Defoe quote from his masterpiece Robinson Crusoe.

"Fear of Danger is ten thousand times more terrifying than Danger itself, when apparent to the Eyes; and we find the Burthen of Anxiety greater, by much, than the Evil which we are anxious about."

So fitting for a gal that suffers from Anticipatory Anxiety. The Burthen of thinking about the next palpitation episode is oftentimes worse than the actual episode.

Crazy Heart

Several months a go, my husband and I sat down to watch "Crazy Heart," the 2009 musical-drama film starring Jeff Bridges (who went on to win the Academy Award that year for Best Actor) who plays a down-and-out country music singer-songwriter named Bad Blake. Blake tries to turn his life around after beginning a relationship with a young journalist portrayed by Maggie Gyllenhaal. I heart the movie but I especially loved the music. The original music was composed by T-Bone Burnett, Stephen Burton, and Ryan Bingham. Bingham and Burnett received the Academy Award for Best Original Song for co-writing "The Weary Kind," which Bingham also performed.

I have since downloaded "The Weary Kind" on my ipod and the soulful and haunting lyrics move me to tears every time. And although I'm sure the lyrics are all about booze, hard living, and lost dreams, something in it resonates with me. The chorus states:

And this ain't no place for the weary kind
this ain't no place to lose your mind
this ain't no place to fall behind
pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

So although I've had a particularly rough end to the year with lots of heart palpitations, anxiety, fatigue, and stress, my soul tells me to "pick up my crazy heart and give it one more try."

"When My Heart Finds Christmas"

Harry Connick, Jr. croons this song, "When My Heart Finds Christmas" in his first Christmas album titled by the same name.

I don't know about you but when my heart finds Christmas it does a little palpitation dance. The hustle and the bustle of the season (God forgive me) makes me sort of dread the Christmas season. December and the even more bleak month of January are often hard months for me. And I know I'm not alone. Numerous studies as well as anecdotal evidence from distress centers and crisis workers confirm that there is an increase in both the numbers and severity of calls by depressed and anxious individuals during the holiday season.

The holiday season is often a period of frenetic activity, a time when people are trying to juggle work, an increase in social obligations, shopping, decorating, wrapping, entertaining and staying on budget. All this leads to a rise in both physical and emotional stress. It is also often a time for reflection. A time when others look back and see the losses they incurred--loss of a loved one through death, divorce or separation, loss of a job, or even loss of familiar social environment.

How can we manage the stresses of the season? I found an online article on wikiHow, and although its a bit long-winded, I think it has some good tips on how to beat the holiday blues. And whatever you do this Christmas season, don't start a major kitchen renovation in the middle of Dec. like we're doing this year. When you have to contemplate whether or not to get a tree because you're worried about the remodeling dust, you know you picked the wrong time of year to do it.

How to Sidestep Depression/Anxiety During the Holidays

1) Start early. As the adage “The early bird catches the worm" counsels, getting a head start on your holiday preparations can save you a lot of headaches later on. Gather your family members and quiz them on their favorite foods. Compile a list of your favorite meals, then select the ones that combine the best. Who ever said you can’t have spaghetti for a holiday meal? Do what works for yourself and your family. Reaching a compromise and an agreement early on takes the stress out of last-minute meal planning.

2) Shop ahead. If you have a mile-long list of people to gift this year, consider buying in bulk. Forget buying an individual gift for all your child’s preschool pals. Go to a warehouse which sells things in large quantities and earmark those items for larger groups.

3)** Remember the reason for the season. If you come from a Christian background, remind your children that Christmas is not about Santa Claus alone, but about celebrating Jesus’s birthday. We give and receive gifts as a reminder of his importance in our lives.

4) Manage your children's expectations. It will help prevent an embarrassing outburst on Christmas morning in front of Aunt Sarah when your child fails to get his favorite toy.

5) Make a mailing list. Use your Excel computer application, if you have one, to manage your addresses. Have your children help dig through old Christmas cards to find addresses of long lost friends and relatives. Allow your children to cut up the old Christmas cards to make new ones of their own.

6) Use an Advent calendar. Advent begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas. In order to help children deal with the anxiety of waiting, wrap little treats for the child to open each day after the beginning of Advent, or use a regluar calendar and put a special sticker on each day as it begins.

7) Get exercise. For those in the Northern Hemisphere, light is a precious commodity. Be sure to get out during your lunch break for a bit of sun exposure. Even on cloudy days, it can revive your spirit and give you the oxygen you require. Shovel snow if it applies to you. (HAAAAAAAA if you live in Texas like I do)

8) Get enough sleep. Have you noticed that when the days are shorter your need for sleep increases? It is a natural response. In a way, our bodies shut down. Honoring your need for rest is as important as ever.

9) Eat vitamin-enriched food. If the sun is weaker in your area, your daily dose of vitamins needs to come from your food intake. Take vitamins and drink fruit tea and lemon to stave off the common cold.

10) Communicate with your partner. Oftentimes, admitting you feel blue is all you need to reach acceptance that things aren’t always perfect.

11) Take time to celebrate with friends, or catch up with people you may not see often. A phone call to distant relatives or friends will brighten both your days.

12) Volunteer in your neighborhood. Helping others often gives a boost to your own spirit, and is a good way to meet new people and build new friendships. Is there a canned food drive? What about gift wrapping for a charity? Maybe a soup kitchen?

13) Celebrate the winter solstice. Mark off the days on your calendar to encourage yourself that a new beginning is right around the corner. Gather with friends to honor this age-old rite of passage into the season of renewal.

14)The winter solstice also marks the fewest number of daylight hours, and that can make getting out of bed difficult in the mornings. To create your own artificial "sunrise" in an otherwise dark bedroom, use a multi-light lamp hooked up to timer. There are other ways to Brighten-up-a-Dark-Room too.

**Something I would like to add to step 3. There is a wonderful movement going on called the Advent Conspiracy. The concept behind this movement is to recreate Christmas whereby we Worship Fully, Spend Less, Give More, and Love All. Check it out if you ever have an empty feeling of missed purpose during Christmas.

Broken Record

Although I was born in 1980, I do have many memories of listening to music on LP records. And with the ballads of Patsy Cline or the rock of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, came the inevitable popping sound as the needle met a scratch mark. If the needle jumped outward to the groove it just finished playing, it would repeat in an infinite loop, serving as the simile for things that continuously repeat ("like a broken record"). Sometimes I feel like my heart palpitations are like this "broken record." It's like for whatever reason, the pacemaker hits a groove and gets stuck. So my heart will be dancing in a perfect beat, and then the stressors of life scratch my vinyl heart. The pacemaker tries to make up for the missed beats and jumps ahead. And if I don't relax, my heart will start skipping in an infinite loop. Then I get up and take action (just like I did when I had to pick up the record player's needle and manually move it forward) such as deep breathing or a brisk walk, and then my heart goes back to its steady beat.

Ruby Slippers

Dorothy: Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda: You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.
Dorothy: I have?
Scarecrow: Then why didn't you tell her before?
Glinda: She wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.
Scarecrow: What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Well, I—I think that it, that it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em — and it's that — if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?
Glinda: That's all it is!
Scarecrow: But that's so easy! I should've thought of it for you -
Tin Man: I should have felt it in my heart -
Glinda: No, she had to find it out for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds!
Dorothy: Oh! Toto too?
Glinda: Toto too.
Dorothy: Now?
Glinda: Whenever you wish.
...
Glinda: Then close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, 'There's no place like home'.


I woke up again in the middle of the night last night. This time I was in an intense dream and woke up to a few heart palpitations. This in turn set about a physiological response and my anxiety levels rose once again. As I started into panic mode, I remembered the lesson of the ruby slippers. Perhaps, I was still on a kick about childhood memories as The Wizard of Oz had been my favorite movie to watch while growing up. I remember we didn't own a VCR back in those days so my dad would sometimes bring the VCR from his work home as a treat. It would take him a good hour to hook it up to the TV and track down a copy of the Wizard of Oz from our local Blockbuster. When it was finally time to watch and we all gathered onto the couch, I felt giddy with excitement as the opening credits rolled onto the screen. I haven't thought a lot about the movie in recent years but last night I couldn't get the dazzling ruby slippers out of my mind. I remembered Glinda telling Dorothy that she "always had the power." And when it comes to dealing with heart palpitations and anxiety, nothing could be truer. I have the power to decide whether or not I'm going to let it bother me. I have the power to accept what ever comes my way. I can choose whether or not I'm going to have a good day or a bad day. I've always had it in me. I don't need anyone else. I hold the power of the magic ruby slippers. And nobody can help me except for me. I have to believe if for myself.

And as a reminder, I'm thinking I might purchase a little reminder such as this cute one from Etsy: Wizard of Oz tile jewelry pendant

Know Thy Limits or Suffer Thy Consequences

My little girl turned 2 last Sunday, and she is every bit of a toddler. Preparing for her party and then having something to do EVERY evening this past week, wreaked havoc for me last night. I had a panic attack that lasted for hours last night. Yep, you heard me, hours! Usually when I get a panic attack, they last a few minutes but this one was the mother of all panic attacks. For 2 hours, I contemplated going to the hospital. I would breathe well and then forget to breathe and then the panic cycle would start all over again. The reason for all of this panic? Balance. Or lack there of. When I'm feeling well and generally not experiencing heart palpitations, I tend to start taking more things on. I start feeling "normal" again and feel like I can do it all. So I stack up my calendar with one thing after the other, take on more responsibilities, and forget all my important preventative measures (like regular exercise, healthy eating, meditation, etc.). So when I woke up this morning after the horrendous night, I knew what I needed to do to prevent this acute anxiety from returning. Go back to square one. I need to re-examine my life and start finding that much needed balance. I'm off for a walk on this beautiful Fall day in Central Texas. :) And that brings peace to my soul.

A cautionary tale of PVCs in the workplace

Okay, I've been dreading this post. I've wanted to do it for awhile but every time I start to think about it, I hesitate because in some ways I think I'm still traumatized. It's going to be a long post, so if you don't read it all, that's okay. It's more for me. As children start heading off to school this year, a flood of emotions always catch up to me as I relive my first (and only) year of teaching in a public school.

Palpitations have certainly wreaked havoc in my life from time to time, but none more so than 6 years a go when I ventured into a public school classroom and began teaching 2nd grade. Previous to that year, I survived what could only be called a "hellish" student teaching experience. It was not that it was so bad for me, but my good friend who was at the same school as me, was partnered with a horrible mentor. She made her life hell and in turn, I was left shaken by the experience of watching my friend suffer. Trust me, it was bad. But despite warning signs about that school district, I went ahead and signed on as a new teacher in a brand new school. It was in a wealthy neighborhood, and I soon came to find out that most of the mothers' main job was harassing the teachers. Despite constant bombardment from these helicopter moms and a principal who was about the most type A person I've ever met, I muddled through the first semester. 6 months into teaching, I wasn't eating or sleeping well. I remember coming home from school every day and passing out on the couch. I cried every Sunday night. I don't remember seeing my husband that entire first half of the year. But everyone kept telling me that the first year was the hardest and I was doing such a great job. I kept at it. But high levels of stress eventually always catch up and I was about to learn the hard way.

It started when I was driving. I started getting nervous on highways and at red lights. I started having panic attacks on my lunch breaks at school. I weighed in at less than 100 pounds. I remember dreading recess duty because I started having feelings that I might pass out in front of all the children. I attended a teaching conference held in a huge auditorium. I remember having the feeling that I had to get out of the building. I sat there the whole 2 hours in constant fear that I was going to faint if I didn't get out. All of this acute anxiety was new to me. I had some general anxiety before my teaching experience, but never panic attacks. I could feel the world closing in on me. But still I muddled. I began seeing a therapist but looking back I should have been seeing a doctor. I still wonder if I had taken medication if it would have helped.

The real nightmare began in the middle of March. I was teaching math that day and I could feel my heart go whump...whump...whump. Where do you go to take a breather when you are teaching? And as more and more kids needed help with their math assignment, I could feel my anxiety level start to rise. My heart was doing the dance. It was in constant bigeminy. I went next door and got a teacher to look after my class, while I headed down to the nurse's station. At this point, my principal (remember, she's type A) came barging in and wanted to know what the matter was with me. I proceeded to tell her that I've suffered from heart palpitations over the years and it was particularly flared up today. At that point, she FREAKED out! She started telling me about her dad who had heart palpitations and how serious it was. How he almost died. Clearly, not the thing to tell someone when they are experiencing them. Then she starts telling me that she certainly won't let me go back to the classroom and that she was going to call an ambulance. She mumbled something to the effect of "teaching isn't for the faint of heart." Again, I tried to reassure her that I could deal with them and that I was in no danger. But she wouldn't have it. We finally compromised and my husband came and picked me up and took me home. I took a personal leave the following weak.

But when I came back, things hadn't changed. I was just as stressed and anxious and to make matters worse, my principal acted like I had some terrible disease. I remember dropping off some books in the library, and the librarian stopped me and asked me about my panic attacks. How the hell did the librarian know about what had happened to me a couple weeks a go? It seemed like the whole school thought I was some sort of mental freak. I plummeted into a depression. As the heart palpitations became more frequent, I finally had to pull out of school for the rest of the year with just a couple weeks left. My heart broke for my precious 2nd graders who couldn't understand what had happened to their teacher.

I was given a couple weeks to move my stuff out of my classroom. But my principal thought I wasn't acting fast enough and yelled at me on the phone that she was taking charge and moving my stuff out of my classroom herself. I told her she better not touch any of my private stuff. I came up to school with my mom and sister and we started boxing everything up. At one point the vice principal started yelling at my mom that it was a privilege that we were even able to move my stuff out. My mom who has been a teacher for 20+ years, said that she had never been spoken like that in her entire life. He even yelled at her that if she didn't stop arguing with him, he would call the cops. What? Call the cops on a teacher and her mom because we were arguing with them? I was on medical leave and I had every right to get my stuff out of my classroom before the deadline.

What the f*ck? Is that how you treat any human being, especially one diagnosed with MVP, PVCS, panic disorder? If I had had cancer, do you think they would have done the same things to that person? What crime had I committed that they thought they could treat me like that? Up until the time I met my principal in the nurse's office, I had only gotten positive raves. My principal had even watched me do a lesson and said it was one of the best she had ever seen. So where did they get off and treat me like they did? Despite the statistics that one out of five people in a typical office can be expected to suffer from a mental condition, mental illness and the workplace is still considered taboo. Many people fear opening up to their co-workers and supervisors for fear of being stigmatized when they seek help. And in my case and in many others, the fear may be well founded.

How can a workplace combat the myths, lift the stigma and make sure people with mental illness get the treatment they need?

A clear message needs to come from the head of a company and be communicated to every employee. The main point to be made is that the organization has a nondiscriminatory attitude—it sees mental illness as no different from physical illness in terms of how people are treated in the workplace. “A company needs to tell people that, if they ever seek help for mental illness, it won’t be held against them,” says Robert Dinerstein, a law professor at American University in Washington D.C., who focuses on disability issues.

If only I had had that message. :(

They're back, and I'm back

My respite from palpitations a couple months a go has given way to a vengeance of them the last couple of weeks. Last Saturday evening, I had the worst case of them I've had in years. I had just laid down to go to sleep when they started to rear their ugly heads. The end of a day seems to be a common trigger for many of my palpitations. I'm not sure if I'm just not feeling them during the day and then when I go lay down, I start to notice them or if they are just they byproduct of a long stressful day. Usually, I believe it's the latter. A couple whumps later, I can tell my anxiety level starts to rise. I start to practice my deep breathing, but then my mind starts to play little tricks on me like "Uh oh, what if they don't stop? What if I start getting more of them? What if I have to go the hospital?" And as soon as that negative anticipatory anxiety starts, I get more and more of them. Pretty soon, I was in bigeminy or trigeminy where I started getting them every other or every third beat. I would exacerbate the condition when I started putting pressure on myself to "beat these pvcs" after all I'm an expert on them now, right??? I continued to deep breathe and then decided I would try talking to my husband for distraction. I started telling him all the things I had on my plate right now and all the stresses and worries I'm dealing with. That helped a lot and before I knew it, a gentle peace enveloped me and I fell asleep. I remember waking up around 3 a.m. in the morning excited that I had gotten some sleep and that the pvc's were no longer bothering me. Every time I'm successful at accepting and dealing with them, I'm encouraged that I do have the power to make them stop. I don't need a magic pill or a doctor to help me through them. I have me. My mind and attitude is my greatest ally.

But even after that successful night of stopping them, palpitations continued to bother me off and on throughout the week. It was the week before my period was to begin, and I firmly believe (although some male doctors won't admit it) that the fluctuating hormones played a role in the abundance of pvc's that I experienced this week. I also went out of town for a week and although vacation can be relaxing, just the change of routine, most likely contributed to them. I got back late yesterday and instead of relaxing and taking it easy I went over to a friend's party. As I was sitting outside in the hot and humid late afternoon sun she handed me a Mexican martini. I knew I was dehydrated and should have been drinking water, but I started to sip on the alcohol anyway. A couple minutes later, whump...whump...whump. My heart was skipping in a dance. We excused ourselves early. I went home and took a shower. They were still bothering me but when I sat up in a meditative pose and started to breathe in and out fully to counts of 3, 4, 5 and they started to diminish. My husband came in and gave me a back massage and once again, I started talking through all my worries. And guess what? The palpitations disappeared after an hour or so. I was able to go to sleep without any trouble and woke up late the next morning feeling refreshed and energized.

Which Came First, the Fear or the Flutter?

I believe a stressful first year of college along with genetics and the death of my beloved cousin was the catalyst in the beginning of my heart palpitations. I feared them and had a couple panic attacks after experiencing many in a row. So I believe my panic attacks started when I first got the dance in my heart. In fact, most of my panic attacks today still revolve around when anticipating or experiencing a bad round of PVCs. About 5 years a go, I was in the midst of the hardest year of my life--my first year teaching. Up until Christmas of that first year I was just trying to stay afloat. I got up early, taught seven year old children, pacified crazy parents, worked late, and came home only to crash on the couch. I dropped below 100 pounds that year. In the Spring of that year, I was driving to Target on the highway and thought I felt a couple flip flops. My heart started to race and I panicked. I started to hyperventilate and the only thing I could think of was to get off that highway as quickly as possible. As soon as I exited, my heart started to calm down, and I was able to complete my shopping trip taking side streets on the way home. Little did I know that that event would trigger one of my biggest anxieties that I deal with to date. Driving on the highway. I can get around okay for the most part and even a couple years a go, I thought I had it beat because I drove all the way to Austin from San Antonio by myself. But I got pregnant and for whatever reason toting a child and being responsible for her safety made me fear the highway again. I had a big panic attack last Summer while getting on the highway and I haven't been on it since.

So that leads me to the important question: Which came first, the panic or the heart flutters? It seems like if you look at my history, the heart flutters began while I was driving on the highway. Then the panic set in. But I can see it the other way around, too. The stress of driving that day 5 years a go caused the palpitations. And now I associate the highway with palpitations--the two linked with fear and loss of control.

I've come so far at accepting my heart palpitations. And overall I think I'm a highly functioning person. I don't let my fear of highway driving stop me from going out. In fact sometimes I think I even overcompensate by making sure I don't close myself off from the world like Paula Deen did. I'm pretty social and I definitely want my daughter to see me driving around and going places. Currently I'm on a new found quest to start driving on highways again. I'm looking into a trying out a highly recommended source--"The Original Driving Fear Program" at http://www.drivingfear.com/index.php. I'm also working on trying not to feel embarassed or ashamed that I'm not comfortable driving on highways. There are certain people in my life that I would still like to tell and have them offer me support.

Maybe one day I'll be that annoying girl cruising on the highway--windows opened, music blaring, singing loudly, and hair flying.

My New Hero is...

a butter-loving, finger-licking, joke-cracking queen of melt-in-your mouth Southern cuisine...Paula Deen!



I picked up her book It Ain't All About the Cookin' because I heard that at one point in her life she suffered from a debilitating agoraphobia whereby she didn't leave her house for years. Fortunately I've never suffered from full blown agoraphobia but there have been times in my life when I haven't wanted to be in public because I was either experiencing uncomfortable PVCs or afraid I would start to get them outside my comfort zone. Paula Deen suffered from intense anxiety for over 20 years before she finally came to the end of her rope and realized that she had to start living. One morning she got out of bed and like a thunderclap heard the words to the Serenity Prayer--the ones that alcoholics use at Alcoholics Anonymous: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. At last she had got it. Deen writes, "Sure, I'm gonna die, I said to myself. My children are gonna die. Everyone I love is gonna die. But today has given me today and I'm gonna go out and live today. I won't die today." She started slowly and got better and better. She went on to start her own catering business, open two hugely successful restaurants, publish numerous cookbooks, have her own cooking show, star in a movie, and appear on Oprah! But through it all, she would still carry a brown paper bag in case she started to hyperventilate. Of course, she seldom needed it. And when life challenges presented themselves and she too began to suffer heart palpitations, she was smart enough to go to the doctor right away and tell him that her nerves were shot. She got on Zoloft and started feeling better. She is a shining example of a strong woman who has experienced intense anxiety and its effects, but has gone on to be successful and happily fulfilled.

Why I Started this Blog

I often peruse the internet looking for info. on my heart arrhythmia, and I always end up finding many scared people who are experiencing heart palpitations like me. After a battery of tests, most doctors tell their patients that the palpitations are benign (with no presence of cardiac disease), tell them to cut out caffeine, write a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication, and tell them not to worry. The doctor usually points out that most everyone experiences PVCs at one point in their life but that not everyone feels them. The patient is just unlucky that they are sensitive to feel them. The patient usually feels better until they hear some story of a woman's heart skipping a beat and keeling over. Just doing a very quick google search I found an example of a man frightened over his symptoms.

jb_0
I am a 27 year old active male, 6'2" 190lb. For about six years I have experienced "skipped" beats where it feels like my heart stops for about half a second (although it probably isn't even that long). The skips are sometimes strong enough that I feel a brief loss of breath.
I have seen a doctor on two separate occasions (the last time was probably 2-3 years ago) and both times I was told that my experiences were normal and not to worry. Although I may be imagining this, it seems as if the skipped beats have become more frequent as time goes on and that their "strength" has become greater - if i am speaking when one occurs, I sometimes must pause to catch my breath. It all happens very quickly, but it can be frightening and causes me some degree of anxiety.
The frequency of my skipped beats seems to be in direct proportion to my stress level, but they can occur seemingly randomly. They also seem to occur with some regularity while resting after physical exertion or during exertion.
I have read quite a bit recently about MVP, PVCs, and palpitations. Do my symptoms sound like one of these? From what I have read I would guess that these are PVCs and are usually benign, but I really don't know. What I fear most is that eventually my heart will skip a beat, but will get "stuck", won't return to it's normal rhythm, and I will experience a sudden death. Morbid, I know, but a genuine fear.
Any information (including *any* self-help techniques) you can give me concerning my situation would be greatly appreciated.

This poor guy! I know what he's going through. You want to believe in your doctor, you want to be courageous enough that they won't bother you, you want to live your life BUT IT'S YOUR VITAL LIFE ORGAN. If it's awry, you feel terrible. If I get a spasm in my calf, it's annoying as hell but it doesn't scare me in the least. But if my heart is out of whack, I start to see my life flash before my eyes.

If I still haven't answered the original question of why I started this blog, it's three-fold.

1) To educated myself and others about heart palpitations
2) To share my life story and how I have dealt with this pesky dance in my heart
3) To inspire others to be their own health advocates and to demand that doctors/employers/family/friends take their condition seriously.