Which Came First, the Fear or the Flutter?

I believe a stressful first year of college along with genetics and the death of my beloved cousin was the catalyst in the beginning of my heart palpitations. I feared them and had a couple panic attacks after experiencing many in a row. So I believe my panic attacks started when I first got the dance in my heart. In fact, most of my panic attacks today still revolve around when anticipating or experiencing a bad round of PVCs. About 5 years a go, I was in the midst of the hardest year of my life--my first year teaching. Up until Christmas of that first year I was just trying to stay afloat. I got up early, taught seven year old children, pacified crazy parents, worked late, and came home only to crash on the couch. I dropped below 100 pounds that year. In the Spring of that year, I was driving to Target on the highway and thought I felt a couple flip flops. My heart started to race and I panicked. I started to hyperventilate and the only thing I could think of was to get off that highway as quickly as possible. As soon as I exited, my heart started to calm down, and I was able to complete my shopping trip taking side streets on the way home. Little did I know that that event would trigger one of my biggest anxieties that I deal with to date. Driving on the highway. I can get around okay for the most part and even a couple years a go, I thought I had it beat because I drove all the way to Austin from San Antonio by myself. But I got pregnant and for whatever reason toting a child and being responsible for her safety made me fear the highway again. I had a big panic attack last Summer while getting on the highway and I haven't been on it since.

So that leads me to the important question: Which came first, the panic or the heart flutters? It seems like if you look at my history, the heart flutters began while I was driving on the highway. Then the panic set in. But I can see it the other way around, too. The stress of driving that day 5 years a go caused the palpitations. And now I associate the highway with palpitations--the two linked with fear and loss of control.

I've come so far at accepting my heart palpitations. And overall I think I'm a highly functioning person. I don't let my fear of highway driving stop me from going out. In fact sometimes I think I even overcompensate by making sure I don't close myself off from the world like Paula Deen did. I'm pretty social and I definitely want my daughter to see me driving around and going places. Currently I'm on a new found quest to start driving on highways again. I'm looking into a trying out a highly recommended source--"The Original Driving Fear Program" at http://www.drivingfear.com/index.php. I'm also working on trying not to feel embarassed or ashamed that I'm not comfortable driving on highways. There are certain people in my life that I would still like to tell and have them offer me support.

Maybe one day I'll be that annoying girl cruising on the highway--windows opened, music blaring, singing loudly, and hair flying.